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The Value in Hoping

Wow, it’s been 2 years since I’ve updated this crazy thing. Honestly, I think I just decided to forget this was here. Chronicling my life seemed stupid – who would really care about this anyway? But then life gets in the way. So I’m coming back to this, for me, because I think I might need it, and soon.

Since I’ve last written life has changed. I got a job, which is great, but it’s a tad on the soul-sucking end of the spectrum. I got into a car accident and wrecked my lamented Jeep. My Mom has had several small strokes, and a couple of not-so-small ones. We’ve lost some family members, gained a couple, and the world keeps on turning.

So I guess this is where the hope comes in. There comes a time where hope, faith, vibes, psychic forces, alien brain waves – whatever your flavor – are what get you through the day. I’m strangling hope with my fingernails trying to hang on, and I’m not letting go.

If you know me at all, you know I’ve been battling a “mystery plague” that made me unable to speak for the past six months. This has also kept me out of work for six months. It’s impossible to do anything when you can’t interact with anyone. The worst part is there’s no real medical reason they can find, my vocal cords just decided they didn’t feel like working any longer. I’ve been in vocal therapy, relearning to speak, and doing well. So well that I thought I might be able to return to work by the end of September. You know the saying “we plan and the gods laugh“. That has never been more true.

My vocal therapist and ENT say it’s too soon, going back now with my voice not strong enough could ruin it permanently and I refuse to risk that. But I had no idea what would be coming next.

Earlier this week I used my right arm to scratch my left shoulder and felt a stabbing pain in my right breast. That was new. So I did a self exam and found a lump a little bigger than a walnut. The placement means it could be in my lymph nodes, but right now I just don’t know. Right now I’m a mess and terrified and jumpy and short tempered with everyone in my orbit and I hate this.

In three days I find out if I have breast cancer, or maybe something else.

THIS is where the hoping really comes in. This is why I have a strangle hold on hope. Hope that I am not going to get the news so many in my family has heard before me, that so many of my friends have had to deal with. Hope that life will return to it’s somewhat normal-ish insanity without added nightmares. Hope that I have the strength to deal with whatever it is that comes next. Hope that I have the strength to pull my family through this with me. Hope that this stupid blog keeps going because it means that I keep going.

Hope that some good vibes, feelings, wishes, pixie dust, prayers, psychic forces and alien brain waves come my way in three days so I don’t shatter.

HOPE.

 

 

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Posted by on September 26, 2014 in Uncategorized

 

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My Dad, the Wizard

A couple of months ago my parents’ computer just died.  No blue screen of death, no warning, just one day it refused to turn on.  They have an older pc, they’ve probably had it for 5 years or so now, so it was about due for a major malfunction.

Mom knows nothing about computers at all.  Nothing.  Some days I have to help her find her e-mail again because it “disappeared”.  What usually happens is she somehow brings up her welcome screen and can’t see her e-mail box, so it may have well been stolen by the aliens running the big scary machine.

My dad on the other hand, he’s pretty handy with the ‘ol pc.  He was a technician for over 30 years for 3M going all over hell and back fixing all kinds of their machines.  However, he is 70, and not of the computer culture.  He’ll get out manuals and flick switches and change plugs and try what he can.  But this was different.

This was Dad being in his office, lots of swearing, some strategic banging and a shit-ton of sighing.  After day 3 of no internet he finally gave up and said he was going to find a pc repair guy and take it in.  This was a BIG DEAL.  Dad does not give up on anything.  He believes very much in his ability to just fix shit, but this stumped him.  Dad was not happy.

The next day I walked into the kitchen and there was Dad and their computer on the table, with the tower completely dismantled.  But the monitor was on.  On and working. Dad was smiling.

I asked him “What the hell is all this?”

He said “I just wanted to take a look at it, and I got it to work.”

Me “So what did you do?”

Dad “I took out the memory card and blew on it. Then it worked.”

HE BLEW ON IT.

My Dad is a wizard with mad skills.  I am completely in awe.  And the damn thing is still working.

 
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Posted by on October 26, 2011 in Uncategorized

 

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Oh Momma…

Another crazy Mom story:

(It’s been raining and storming all day – this is very important.)

Mom had gone to pick my sister up from work, then stopped at Hallmark to look around. When she got home we had this conversation:

Mom: We stopped at Angela’s and got takeout

(we had already made dinner earlier to get on the stove when she & my sister got home, I knew that couldn’t be right.)

Me: Um… you mean Tracy did that for lunch?

Mom: *silence*

Me: Did they do that for lunch?

Mom: What? No. We went there and got tacos.

Me: ?

Mom: (shakes her head) takeout. menus.  We got takeout menus. From Angela’s, that new place by the movies.

Me: Ohhhh…

Mom: It’s been raining, I’ve been out in the rain and thunder and lightning you know.

Me: nodding (as you do with crazy people)

Mom: I probably got struck or something.

Me: That would explain it.

 
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Posted by on April 4, 2011 in Uncategorized

 

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