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Sleepless…

I seem to be having the same conversation with so many people lately, but I just can’t figure out why. Like a billion other people on the planet I have had insomnia for years. My brain just won’t shut off. Ever. I constantly have a stream of nonsense/self-hatred/confusion/terror just screaming through my head and, unsurprisingly, that makes it difficult to sleep.

Lately people see the need to give me “advice” on how to “get over it”. The thing I’ve heard the most is “You just have to get yourself on a different schedule, make yourself sleep”. I want to punch every person who says this. If I could just make a wish and fall asleep I would, but it doesn’t work that way.

The next nugget of wisdom I keep getting is “It’s just because you keep your on too late, just shut it off and go to sleep”. First, no it’s not. That device plays the music that overshadows the shit in my head for a little while and sometimes, just sometimes, HELPS me fall asleep.

For some reason I also keep hearing “You just have to close your eyes, take deep breaths, find your calm place”. My response: Fuck you. This nonsense just makes me find my rage place and does no one any good whatsoever.

I’m just going to say this: insomnia is a bitch. It is personal, it hits you in places that are already weak and hurts you in ways you don’t see coming. People who suffer – and I do mean suffer – from this don’t need any “well-meaning” advice from anyone. We know there’s a problem, we do try to fix it, sometimes nothing works. Just give us your love and understanding, that is all we really need, and it will do more for us than anything else ever could.

 
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Posted by on May 30, 2012 in Uncategorized

 

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